*Cause baby we'll be
At the drive-in
In the old man's Ford
Behind the bushes
Till I’m signing for more
Down the basement
Lock the cellar door
And baby
Sign dirty to me

You know I text you
I text you from my cell phone
I’m only hoping that you’re home
So I can see you
When you sign those words to me
And whisper so softly
But I can’t hear you

So baby

Sign dirty to me

Clarby was watching The Replacements the other night starring Keanu Reeves as Shane Falco and at the end of the game the tight end, who is deaf ends up with one of the really hot cheerleaders.  It’s a given that he went home with her and they enjoyed some adult situations.  But he wouldn’t be able to hear her if she were to talk dirty to him…  Sure she could do a little striptease or foreplay (whatever that is) but would she have to sign things to him?  Is there dirty sign language?  I mean surely she wouldn’t hold up her middle finger and then point to herself over and over in place of repeating “f*ck me, f*ck me.”

Cities with real clubs like Vegas, New York, Miami and LA have people known as VIP Hosts.  Their job is to make sure that high rollers have everything they need and that they are having a good time.  Then the clubs also have promoters who promote the club to the average Joe who wants to be so much more.  However, in cities like Dallas a “club promoter” is code for cheap whore.

When out at a dive bar berating the Cowboy’s awful finish to the season it is wise to make sure none of the members of the Cowboys are standing behind you.  It is especially wise to make sure the one individual you continue to rip who may be a large man (6’5, 262 lbs) from TN that plays with broken ribs is not near you, while you are wearing a Terrell Owens Eagles jersey, ripping him…  A person should be more aware of their surroundings…

*Modified Lyrics from Poison’s “Talk Dirty to Me”

Coming Soon: Punk Ass